


According to All Known Laws of Aviation.

by SpiritBloodDragon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: According to all known laws of aviation, Bee Movie References, But instead it's the fucking bee movie script, Comedy Horror (?), Horror (?), Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Memes, Nobody actually dies but I'm just being an idiot, What compelled me to do this?, Zombie Apocalypse, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritBloodDragon/pseuds/SpiritBloodDragon
Summary: Hinata was just supposed to be at training camp. Having fun, improving, learning, being with his friends (and boyfriend), just the perfect week of volleyball.Until it strikes.~~~The damned Haikyuu Bee Movie Zombie Apocalypse that a) nobody asked for, b) sounds so stupid that it is likely the most idiotic thing a human being has ever thought about, and c) i decided to write out of nowhere cause I was convinced and drank a little too much, and just decided to polish this thing this morning.This is genuinely the stupidest thing you'll read all day. Find something even more stupid and by god I promise I gotta make this worse.
Relationships: Author/Being stupid, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 45





	According to All Known Laws of Aviation.

**Author's Note:**

> You know, I actually thought I'd need to search the script up, but I somehow know enough of it to just type out at least 7 minutes of the whole film out whenever I feel like it.
> 
> Enjoy! (?)

It all started with a simple movie night.

One movie. Couldn't hurt, right? Course, a bunch of them were super fatigued from countless hours of volleyball that they poured their soul and body into, but who cares about that? It's a movie!

Course, there were a few people that didn't want to attend. Kenma, because he just wanted to play games on his phone. Hinata, because he wanted to hang out with Kenma. Kageyama and Tsukishima because they thought that movies were honestly a waste of their precious time, and Kuroo because he was dragged by Lev to the court to show him some new tricks.

Now, there weren’t many things that they’d expect, or at least, the six people that did end up not watching the movie. Everyone else, for some reason, either agreed to watch, or was just dragged by their friends. That was the case for Akaashi, who was dragged along by Bokuto since Kuroo was already busy.

It was just a boring day, something they’d gone through several times in their lives.

The hours passed by like seconds as the group of six quickly divided amongst themselves to do whatever. Kenma and Hinata went off to play some games, Kuroo was forced to continue practicing, Tsukishima went off to study.

Kageyama travelled a few light-years to find a vending machine that had some milk in it.

None of them could’ve expected what would be waiting in store for them when they got back with their teams.

~~~

“Hey, Tanaka-Senpai!” Hinata greeted cheerfully as he walked on the volleyball court. Waving at his upperclassman with a grin on his face, he couldn’t help but skip over to him, excited to play more volleyball.

Hinata skidded to a stop when Tanaka very, very slowly turned towards Hinata, his head slowly following along with. He was nearly catatonic, his gaze unwavering.

“Uh...Tanaka-Senpai?” Hinata tilted his head, gulping a little bit. He felt a very light chill run down his spine. Subtle, yet lingering. Like a very soft buzzing in the back of his mind.

“Barry...Breakfast is ready!” He crooned, a growing smirk on his face. “What do you think, Buzzy Boy?”

Hinata blinked, taking a soft step back, “T-Tanaka-Senpai?” He continued backing away, averting his gaze.

_ Well, that was weird,  _ Hinata mused.  _ Did he eat something weird yesterday? _

He turned around only to be met with the sight of Nishinoya, who had a bright smile on his face. Thank god. At least there was one person who seemed like they were still sane. Well, of course, it was only one out of two, but hey, there was some success!

“Hey, Shou!” He greeted. “Wassup?”

Hinata pointed his thumb at Tanaka, who still seemed disassociated. His eyes were glazed over, and he seemed unusually quiet.

“I dunno, honestly. When we watched, I wasn’t really too into it, but he’s been like that ever since the movie ended,” Nishinoya shrugged. “I wouldn’t think too much about it.”

Hinata furrowed his eyebrows, but brushed it off, “Okay…”

That was not the start of the morning that he had thought he’d have, but, hey, it could be worse.

“Bokuto-san!” Hinata cheered, sprinting over to his newfound mentor. “Can you teach me some more things?”

Bokuto smirked, leaning over. He slung an arm around Hinata, nodding vigorously.

“Thanks! What are we gonna do first?” Hinata chirped, glancing up at the powerful ace.

“Well, Hinata, gotta tell you something first,” Bokuto leaned in. “So, according to all known laws of aviation, there’s no way a bee should be able to fly.”

Hinata tilted his head a little, hands somewhat becoming clammy. He had no idea how this related to volleyball, but just continued listening. He thought Bokuto was just telling a story or something like that.

“Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.”

_ Well, that doesn’t sound too nice to the bee. What if it has a condition? _

“But, the bee flies anyways, cause bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.”

Hinata gasped. He jumped up, nearly hitting Bokuto in the face. He realized what he was talking about.

He was comparing being short to being a bee! Something small, something nobody has expectations for, yet they still broke through. It was supposed to be inspiring, to motivate him to keep pushing, to keep learning.

It all made sense now to the ginger, who hopped onto the volleyball court with newfound vigor. Bokuto didn’t follow, still muttering something to himself.

Of course, there was no way that a bee should be able to fly.

_ Emphasis on should. _

Hinata knew there was no ‘could.’ It was that he either did or didn’t.

And by god, he would.

~~~

The morning went pretty...wildly for Kenma.

He woke up to the sight of Yamamoto curled up in this weird position. The Nekoma team often used his weird sleeping positions to predict the weather, since there were always some sort of weird connection between the two that seemed to be accurate enough.

But today, he was mumbling something in his sleep.

“Aren’t you two cousins?...Distant, distant…” He snored.

Kenma cringed at that. If those were the thoughts that Yamamoto had in his sleep, he wasn’t sure he’d want to become anything like his upperclassmen. Maybe Yaku, but the aggressiveness wasn’t something Kenma took to fondly.

“Oy, Kenma!” Kai greeted. “Come over here, please.”

Of course, Kai seemed to be the most calm out of the three third-years on the team. Yaku could get pretty nasty, and Kuroo...he was just Kuroo.

“So, gotta tell you. You ever wonder…” Kai began. “We’re so proud of you son. And a perfect report card. All B’s!”

Kenma raised his eyebrow at this. He hadn’t thought Kai would say something so unbelievably stupid and confusing at the same time.

In an instant, Kenma snapped back when Kai reached out for his arm and tried to plant a kiss firmly on his lips.

“What the hell?!” Kenma hissed, backing up until he realized that he was in a vice-like grip. “Shit!” He tugged, but he didn’t exercise enough or put enough effort into anything to have the strength to escape.

“Lev, help!” Kenma yelped as Kai leaned in for another one, this time barely dodging. As the other tall Russian came to his aid, he knew what he had to do.

Simply put, he called over Yaku.

“What do you need?!” Yaku barked. “Oi, what the hell are you doing, Kai?” He slapped his friend across the face harshly, causing him to snap back, letting Kenma go.

“What are you thinking, you idiot?!” Yaku snapped. “He’s already dating Hinata, so lay off!”

To Kenma, he realized that Kai wasn’t listening in the slightest. In fact, he was already leaning in again, this time aiming for Yaku.

“Watch --” Kenma began, trying to warn Yaku before the two locked lips. “Shit.” Something was wrong with Kai, and he knew it. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to move. He was too shocked to even try moving.

And when the two pulled away?

“Barry, is that fuzz gel?” Yaku smirked, locking eyes with Kai.

“A little. Special day, graduation.”

Kenma blinked. Did something happen? Yaku’s eyes...they seemed different.

“Kenma,” Lev whispered. “What movie did they watch?”

Kenma shrugged, “Didn’t watch it with them...but...there’s something weird about it.”

“Lev! Come over here!” Yaku instructed, and by instinct, Lev followed, having had to do it multiple times.

As the rest of the team started to wake up, Kenma knew what he had to do. He had to take his chance. He ran.

Ran far out of the team room, into the only place he knew that other people would be that he could talk to this about. 

The gym.

And as he heard the yelp that Lev let out, he knew that the tall first-year was a goner.

_ Crap. _

~~~

“Kitty!” Hinata cheerfully greeted. “How are you?”

Kenma wrapped Hinata in his embrace, shuddering, “I...I don’t know...some weird shit happened in Nekoma’s team room, Shou…”

Hinata furrowed his eyebrows, “Huh?”

“They were talking about some weird thing...something about a report card...B’s...I-I,” Kenma began, before being interrupted by his boyfriend.

“Oh, Bokuto was talking about that too!” Hinata chirped, smiling brightly. “I dunno what he was talking about, but apparently, I just gotta keep working harder!”

Kenma’s eyes widened, “Did he try to kiss you?”

Hinata shook his head, confused, “Huh? Of course not, why would he?”

Kenma shuddered again, “Kai...he tried to kiss me...and then he...got Yaku or something…”

“Are they dating?” Hinata asked, curious.

Kenma shook his head.

“Baby, I really think you’re thinking about this too much,” Hinata assured. “Look, Bokuto and Kuroo are dating, and they’re just talking to each other!”

Bokuto planted a soft kiss on Kuroo’s lips, and Kuroo just smiled affectionately.

Kenma’s shoulders untensed a little bit as he sighed, “You’re...you’re right. I’m just overreacting, I should just talk to Kai and tell him that that was wrong or something…”

They both felt taps on their shoulders, and turned around to be met with the sight of Sugawara and Sawamura.

“Uh...Suga-Senpai?” Hinata addressed, seeing the blank look on the third-year’s usually lively face.

“Stand to the side, kid. This one’s got a bit of a kick,” Sugawara instructed, his voice a little darker than before.

“Uh...okay?” Hinata followed his order, Kenma following.

Nishinoya tapped him on the shoulder, “Shouyou?”

“Yeah, Noya-Senpai?”

Nishinoya scratched the back of his neck, “I think I get what you were talking about. Ryuu’s been acting weird all day, and so has Yamamoto. Keeps referring to the movie we watched yesterday or something.”

“What movie did you watch?” Kenma asked, suspicious.

“The Bee Movie,” Nishinoya casually answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Crap,” Kenma muttered under his breath, before speaking up a bit louder. “Who else was really into the movie?”

“Uh, Sawamura-San, Asahi, All of Fukurodani except for Akaashi, most of Aoba Johsai, and that’s really it. Akaashi, Oikawa and I were really the main ones who weren’t into the movie. And of course, you know about the few people who didn’t watch the movie.”

“Oy, Kenma!” Kuroo called out, walking up to them. “Did you know that they have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream!”

Kenma blinked, taken aback, “Huh?”

Bokuto joined them, sprinting up, “Think about it! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering!”

“Uh...Bokuto-san?” Hinata asked, prompting the four third-years to instantly gaze at Shouyou. “I thought you were going into volleyball? Didn’t MSBY Jackals recruit you?”

Bokuto grinned, a bit too wide for Kenma’s liking as he grabbed hold of Hinata’s wrist, “Think about it. Why don’t you fly everywhere?”

“Shit!” Kenma cursed, slapping Bokuto’s arm off of Hinata. “Shou, come!” He grabbed Hinata’s wrist, but Kuroo grabbed on.

“Nishinoya, help!” Kenma urged, but Sugawara already had him in his grasp. Kenma couldn’t help but stare, before turning to the exit and realizing that they had to get there. Fast.

He turned to Hinata, who had gazed back at him, and slapped Sawamura’s arm off of Hinata before dragging him.

As the two ran, Hinata yelped, “Kitty, where are we going?!”

“Far! Far from here!” Kenma explained over the cacophony of lines. He glanced around the gym, only to see a few more horrifying sights. Akaashi being overwhelmed by the rest of Fukurodani, confused, then seeing Oikawa talking to Iwaizumi gleefully before the two of them shared a chaste kiss.

The Grand King was lost to the horde.

Kenma reached his hand out to the door only to be met with the sight of Tsukishima.

“Have either of you seen Kageyama?” He asked casually, walking in front of them. “I need to tell him that we don’t tolerate bee-negative nicknames.”

Kenma’s eyes widened, before he shoved Tsukishima out of the way with all his might and pushed the door open.

They…

They had escaped.

~~~

As Shou and I enter my home, I’m panting. Jesus Christ, I hadn’t run that much since...ever, really?

I plop down onto the couch, and Shou does the same.

I whisper, leaning into his arms, “Holy fuck...what do we do now, Sunshine? Are you still going to play volleyball?”

He looks at me, and gently kisses me before pulling away with a light smile, “I don’t know, Kitty. But I’m going to stay here with you.”

I tear up a little bit, leaning closer to him, “Thank you.” I kiss him again, but this time, it’s chaste again.

He smiles a little bit.

I lightly frown, “Shou, take this a bit more seriously. They...they just turned into...rabid monsters...all of them!”

Shou softly laughs, kissing me on the cheek, “Well, I just...remembered something.”

I blink, “Huh?”

He stares up at the ceiling, muttering, “You know...according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.”

“Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground,” I continue, not missing a beat. “The bee, of course, flies anyways.”

My eyes widen, hands slapping over my mouth.

Fuck, did I just say that? Fuck, fuck, fuck! But nobody kissed me or anything like that!

Wait…

I choke out, “Shou...did they get you?” I tear up again, backing up. “No, you’re not my Shouyou!”

Fuck, I should've paid closer attention instead of fucking looking at Nishinoya who'd already been caught!

He tilts his head, confused, “Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.”

I hyperventilate a little bit, getting off the couch, preparing to speak up a little bit and then make a run for it.

Yet...the only words that come out of my words are everything I could’ve hated: “Yellow, Black, Yellow, Black, Yellow, Black, Yellow, Black, Yellow, Black, Yellow, Black. Barry, breakfast is ready!”

The last thing I truly see is his smile. Jesus Christ, I missed his smile. I miss the way that he held me close and hugged me in the night. I missed playing games with him, when he’d ask me with his eyes to set to him, when he...Coming! Oh, hang on a second!

Barry? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can’t! I’ll pick you up!

_ I...I lost. _

“Looking sharp.”

“Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!”

* * *

_ A long way away… _

“Oh, here’s the damn vending machine! God, I’ve been looking for milk forever!”

Kageyama looked around him.

“Wait, am I in Canada? How’d I get here?”

  
  


  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Man, after polishing this thing down, I don't regret spending a half-hour finishing it off and fixing the spelling.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed?


End file.
